Past Secrets Part 1
by GeorgieGinger
Summary: Another collaboration with AlwaysAbby. This is Part 1. An Au and Continuation for the episode "Doctor Bashir, I Presume". Like our other story, it's angsty and whumpy but not as graphic as the last one.
1. Chapter 1

**Hi everyone!**

**This is another story collaboration brought to you by GeorgieGinger & AlwaysAbby :D :D**

**This one is based on Doctor Bashir I presume and is nice and angsty.**

**It's taken us forever to do so I hope it's worth it :D :D**

**XXX**

"Now, if you'll excuse me, I'd like to be alone."

But that was a lie! Julian didn't want to be alone; he wanted Miles to come back and tell him that everything would alright and that the others, Sisko, Dax, Kira, and the rest would understand. That they would fight for him and his career. However, he knew this was wishful thinking. He had lied to them from the beginning. His heart had leapt at Miles' comforting words, but Julian knew it was just to make him feel better. Miles hated him for lying. Maybe he thought their entire friendship had been a lie. The others would hate him too, and he couldn't blame them. He had betrayed them. Five years! After five years he would lose everything in a few hours.

XXX

Julian walked over to a small side table and pulled open the drawer, taking out his bottle of sleeping pills. It was nearly full; he had refilled his prescription just a couple days ago. He had started taking them after nightmares from his time in the Dominion prisoner camp forced him to stay awake. He considered the bottle with dull eyes. There was nothing for him here anymore. With his secret out he would be cashiered from Starfleet and stripped of his doctor's license. Without his work what would he do? God, he loved his job. Once he had been kicked out of Starfleet he would never see his friends again. No more lunches with Garak or darts and drinks with O'Brien. He barely had any friends before DS9, certainly no one close. He didn't make friends easily; he was awkward and constantly stuck his foot is his mouth. But he had found a place on DS9. He had _belonged._ Until Miles had told him what had happened and everything he had dreaded since he had discovered the truth at age fifteen had come to pass. He refused to turn to his parents, no his _designers_. He had nowhere to go. He just couldn't bear to see everything he had worked for snatched away. He couldn't stand it. _If he could just make it all disappear…_ With trembling fingers Julian unscrewed the lid of the pill bottle.

XXX

Julian sat down on his couch, holding the pill bottle in his shaking hand. He shouldn't even consider it! He had treated people who had attempted suicide; had sent them to therapists and counselors. Sometimes he had been too late. Yet, here he was. He didn't want to die, but it was the only way out!

Only way out.

He wondered if his friends would come to his funeral, _but no, they hate you, remember?_ He probably wouldn't even get a funeral since Starfleet was going to kick him out.

Standing, Julian crossed the room and retrieved Kukalaka from his shelf and brought him back to the couch. Kukalaka had always given him comfort before; when kids at school had picked on him for being either too dumb or too smart or when he found out the truth about himself. But now… Now he felt tears sting his eyes. Finally letting go, he sobbed into Kukalaka's plush fur.

After several minutes of weeping, he set Kukalaka on his lap and picked up the pills again. He dumped the entire bottle onto his palm.

_C'mon, Julian… Don't back out now and screw it up like everything else… Just do it and it'll all be over…_


	2. Chapter 2

Miles paused in front of the door to his quarters. Julian had asked him to leave, but he still felt guilty. It might be one of the last times they saw each other…

_No!_ He thought to himself. _We can still fight it! I just have to convince Julian not to resign._

He turned and headed back the way he had come.

XXX

Arriving at Julian's quarters once more, Miles rang the door chime.

No answer.

He tried again, but there was still no response. Miles was surprised to find the door wasn't locked. He opened the door; his trepidation growing.

The room was dim, but Miles could just make out Julian lying on couch, asleep. Sighing with relief, Miles brightened the lights so that he could see better. Julian was curled up in a fetal position, hugging his stuffed bear. Miles could tell that what had happened was affecting Julian more than he let on and felt another pang of guilt. Even though the light was on Julian still hadn't awakened. Walking closer, Miles could see tear tracks down his friend's cheeks.

_Oh, Julian…_

He put his hand on Julian's shoulder, expecting him to wake up.

Nothing.

Julian was far too still…

Miles heard a small snap and felt something give way under his foot. Bending down to investigate, Miles held up a bottle of sleeping pills. An empty bottle.

"No, no, no, Julian-" _He wasn't breathing! This couldn't be happening!_

Miles checked Julian for a pulse.

Nothing.

_How long had he lying here dead? No, don't think like that; you can save him; just get moving!_

Snapping himself out of his thoughts, Miles pulled Julian off the couch and tapped his combadge before administering CPR.

"O'Brien to Ops! Medical emergency; two to transport from Doctor Bashir's quarters to the Infirmary!" He said between chest compressions.

"Please, Julian! Stay with me!"

Miles stared at his friend's face as he continued to pump on Julian's chest. He showed no sign of regaining consciousness. Miles felt his stomach churn; Julian was obviously depressed at his secret being revealed. He _knew _Julian's whole life was dedicated to medicine and having that taken away from him was too much.

"Come on! Julian! Breath, damn you!"

He was so engrossed with the compressions that he didn't even notice the transporter beam locking on to them and beaming the two straight to the Infirmary.

XXX

Nurse Jabara stood staring at where the shimmering had begun, waiting for the two officers to materialize.

As soon as she was informed of the medical emergency from the Doctor's quarters, she begun to wonder what possibly could have happened. _Why is someone being transported from Doctor Bashir's quarters? Is he injured? Is it even him?_

Her thoughts were banished the moment the two figures solidified and she gasped in shock as she saw the Chief of Operations performing CPR on the doctor.

She grabbed her tricorder and ran up to the two friends.

"What happened?!" She knelt down and immediately begun scanning him.

Miles was gently pushed away by other medical staff as they begun lifting the limp form onto the nearest biobed.

It took a few moments to find his voice through the shock. "Sleeping pills..." He choked out before he was ushered into the waiting room.

Jabara's scans backed up Miles' explanation, but she just couldn't explain _why _Julian would do such a thing! He knew the limit of sleeping pills and how dangerous they were, how could he even possibly overdose? Unless-

She momentarily stopped breathing.

Unless he did it on purpose…

But why would he try and kill himself? She knew he was shaken up from his experience in the prison camp, but he would _never _kill himself because of that! It must be something else.

That had to wait. Right now, her main priority was to keep Doctor Bashir alive.

"Cardio stimulator!"

She needed to start his heart, and then pump the pills from his body. By the looks of the readouts and the colour of his skin, he had been technically dead for no more than five minutes.

They had to bring him back before he was completely brain dead. Otherwise they would lose a brilliant doctor and she couldn't let that happen.


	3. Chapter 3

Miles paced franticly in the waiting room. Every second that passed spawned a brand new worry. His heart stopped as he saw Nurse Jabara enter the room. She seemed to be speaking from far away; only two words could penetrate Miles' haze.

"Julian... alive..."

As Miles processed the words he spoke eagerly, interrupting Jabara. "So Julian's going to be okay?"

Jabara hesitated briefly. "Physically there should be no complications; however we will keep him here for observation. Do you think... you could talk to him and find out what happened when he wakes up?" She thought Julian would respond best to his closest friend.

Miles nodded. "Of course, anything. Oh, has anyone contacted Captain Sisko? He should know about this..."

"I'll take care of it," Jabara assured him. "Now go. You should be there when Julian wakes up."

XXX

Miles sat down beside Julian's biobed. The young doctor still looked so corpse-like it unnerved Miles to see his normally lively friend reduced to such a state.

After an indeterminable wait, Julian's slowly began to open his eyes.

_Miles...That was Miles... So he wasn't dead..._

"Julian?" Miles' joy and relief at seeing awaken leaked into his voice.

"Hey, Chief." Julian mumbled, feeling ashamed.

"Julian, you have to tell me what happened."

"I just wanted to sleep..."

"The whole bottle, Julian?!"

"I'm sorry, okay?" Julian said; his pain finally evident in his voice.

"No, Julian, I'm not mad at you! I was just scared; I didn't know if you would live."

"Why do you care?" Julian replied bitterly.

Miles was taken aback. This was unlike his friend. "Of course I care, Julian! I'm your friend!"

"I don't deserve your friendship! Everything about me is a lie! I'm a fraud!" Tears fell from his wide hazel eyes as he spoke.

"No, Julian!"

"Just leave me alone!"

Miles decided Julian wasn't very responsive right now, he needed to calm down then he'd try again. He nodded and patted Julian on the shoulder.

"I'm here when you need me, alright?"

XXX

Jabara was dreading talking to the Captain; he always intimidated her with his deep, booming voice.

She walked into the Infirmary office and sat down at the desk. Taking a deep breath, she activated the comm. system and contacted Sisko.

It wasn't long until Sisko's face filled the screen on the little computer; he seemed to be in a happy mood. "Nurse Jabara! What can I do for you?"

She _hated _the fact he was so happy, it was the worst thing she had ever dealt with. Telling someone in a good mood that something dreadful had happened, the sight of their face dropping was awful.

"Captain Sisko, I'm afraid it's bad news."

She saw Sisko's face turn serious. "Is it Jake?"

_Of course. He's a father. His main concern is his son's life._

"As far as I know, sir, Jake is fine. It's, er, Doctor Bashir."

He leaned forward "What happened?"

Jabara didn't want to spread rumors, but he was the commanding officer and needed to know when an officer under his command was _ill. _"We got an emergency call earlier…"

"Of course. I heard it; someone was beamed to the Infirmary"

_Obviously no one informed you _who _it was that were beamed._

"Chief O'Brien arrived with Doctor Bashir about a little while ago. Doctor Bashir was completely unresponsive when we transferred him onto a biobed. He was technically dead for four minutes, 36 seconds. Fortunately, we were able to resuscitate him. All the details will be in the report, sir."

Jabara didn't lose eye contact with the Captain; she needed to know that he understood everything she said. She saw his eyes go wide when she mentioned the word "dead". She jumped when Sisko's voice shouted out the computer.

"Who did it?" He demanded; his face serious and angry.

_Oh no. _

She dreaded this moment "Well, er. According to Chief O'Brien's statement… It was Doctor Bashir himself."

"WHAT?!"

"I haven't had a chance to talk to Doctor Bashir yet, but the scans confirm it. Barbiturates poisoning. His stomach was full of sleeping pills"

"Sleeping pills?!"

Jabara sighed. Obviously Doctor Bashir didn't inform his Captain of his trouble sleeping. "Sir, ever since Doctor Bashir came back from the Dominion prison camp, he has had trouble sleeping. He has had nightmares every night, not to mention the constant fear of being abducted from his bed in the middle of the night. So I prescribed him sleeping pills. I have no idea why he would try and _kill _himself. It's something we need to ask him himself. The Chief is with him as we speak."

Sisko shook his head. She knew he was angry and above all else, _disappointed. _She saw him as he leant back in his chair, ready to get up off of it. "I'm coming down"

The screen went blank and Jabara felt a tear run down her cheek.

XXX

Sisko was _furious! _Why would Julian want to commit suicide?! It was his duty as a Starfleet Officer; he shouldn't be trying to kill himself when things get too much! _Hundreds _of officers had been imprisoned or tortured during the course of the war; he always thought Julian was made of stronger stuff.

He was obviously wrong and he needed to tell his CMO exactly how he felt.

XXX

**Hi Guys! Just to let you know, I update my profile fairly regularly, so anything that is stopping me from updating JBMS is all on there! **

**It's my birthday next week *yaaaaaay*, so I won't update that week, but I'll definitely be writing more stories :D :D**

**Thank you for all the reviews and stuff ^.^**


	4. Chapter 4

Five minutes later, Sisko stormed into the Infirmary. "Where is he?"

A nurse went to approach him, but was stopped by a hand on his shoulder. It was Jabara. "I've got this one, nurse."

Once the nurse walked away, Jabara gestured he follow her to where Julian was lying "He's been given a hypospray, so he may fall asleep in a few minutes."

Sisko nodded his understanding and strolled into the room, putting his hands on his hips and looking down at Julian who was lying limply on the bed.

At the sound of the door opening, Julian's eyes fluttered open. He groaned when he saw who his visitor was.

"Sir-"

"Don't "sir" me, Doctor!" Sisko near enough shouted.

Julian was shocked into immobility by Sisko's response. _He found out the truth... And now he's mad at me for lying..._

"What the HELL did you think you were doing?!" The Captain marched up to Julian and grabbed a hold of his wrists, pinning them down to the mattress.

If Julian had any strength at all, he might have attempted to pull his hands away. But he felt so weak.

"DOCTOR!" The grip on his arms tightened painfully.

"Please-" Julian began to plead with his Captain.

"NO! I am not going to forget this, Julian! You tried to _kill _yourself and why? WHY? Do _not _tell me it was because of nightmares or fears! YOU ARE A STARFLEET OFF-"

"Enough!" Julian found enough strength to shout out that one word. He coughed and lifted his head of his pillow "It wasn't because of that!" He stared at Sisko with fear in his eyes. _He didn't know yet..._

Sisko was still fuming! He just wanted a straight answer and Julian was refusing him. "You better tell me, Julian! Or I'll have to relieve you of duty!"

"I am already planning on leaving, sir." Julian mumbled so quietly, Sisko almost didn't hear it.

But he did.

"What are you talking about? Was the pressure getting too much? We are in times of war, Julian. We don't need officers turning tail like cowards when things get tough!"

Julian cracked!

"I'm not a coward!" He shouted; he couldn't stop the tears from falling down his face.

"Then WHY would you want to kill yourself?" Sisko was shouting just as loud.

"Because if I can't be a doctor, I can't live!"

Sisko was thrown back, his anger extinguished as soon as the words left Julian's mouth "W-what?"

Julian looked at Sisko with blood shot eyes "I'm not allowed in Starfleet."

"Of course you are," Sisko sat down on Julian's biobed

"My _kind _is not allowed to be in Starfleet."

_What? What is that supposed to mean?_

Julian saw the Captain's unasked question plain on his face. He closed his eyes and dropped his head back on his pillow. Taking a deep breath, he prepared himself to tell his captain about a secret he had kept for over twenty five years…

XXX

An oppressive silence filled the room as Julian finished his story. He closed his eyes, waiting for Sisko to grab him again, yell, punish him for all the lies.

Nothing happened.

Julian risked a glance at Sisko and saw him sitting motionlessly, his head in his hands. Feeling Julian's gaze, Sisko looked up at his CMO with disappointed eyes. "You could've told us. We would have kept your secret."

Out of all of the reactions the reveal of his genetic enhancements could have elicited he was least prepared for this.

"Would you have?" Julian was startled by his own impertinence.

"Maybe not at first," Sisko admitted. "But once I got to know you better…"He cleared his throat and straightened his uniform jacket. "We cannot dwell on the past. What are we going to do now?"

_We?_ Julian thought. "I told you, sir. I'm going to resign."

"And then what?" Sisko questioned. "Are just going to find a nice little corner to crawl up and die?" It came out harsher than he meant.

Julian shifted guiltily, before speaking louder than intended "No one would notice."

Sisko gripped Julian's arm again, but gently this time. "We would, Julian."

Julian felt a couple tear drops run down his face and soon a stream followed. Sisko pulled the young doctor into his arms.

"Don't worry," He whispered. "Everything will be alright." Now he just had to figure out a way to save Julian's job.

**XXX**

**Guys! Check my profile for updates on my stories, because I am currently unpredictable with updating :\**

**I've got three more chapters to go on this one, then AlwaysAbby is gonna continue with Part 2 :D**

**Also, I would totally LOVE LOVE _LOVE _TO HEAR WHAT YOUR FAVOURITE "Julian Must Suffer" STORY IS, JUST PM ME or leave a review or whatever :D**

**xxx**


	5. Chapter 5

Sisko sighed. It had been three days since Zimmerman's report had reached Starfleet Medical. Sisko had spent that time trying to reason with bureaucrats, pleading Julian's case before Admirals, judges, and attorneys. So far each had refused to see reason! Julian had only been a child when he was… enhanced; he didn't deserve to be penalized over something he had no control over! And they claimed that the Federation had long since outgrown petty prejudices and discrimination! If Sisko couldn't convince Starfleet to grant Julian amnesty then he knew the doctor would be sent away, where no one could stop him from taking his own life.

XXX

O'Brien moved his rook to the top level of the 3D chess set. While Julian's case was being deliberated (under the table of course; the Federation couldn't let anyone know that some _freak_ had gotten past their screenings and become a doctor) he was off duty. This hadn't helped Julian's mental state, so Miles was sure to visit each day. He had suggested their normal activities like darts and racquetball, but Julian had claimed he didn't feel like it. He hadn't left his quarters since he'd been released from the Infirmary and he was still on suicide watch. Miles had finally gotten Julian to agree to chess, but his depression still hung over him.

XXX

Julian hugged his knees to his chest as he waited for Miles to finish his move. He was glad Miles had forgiven him and they could spend some time together before he left. Julian wouldn't allow himself to hope that Captain Sisko could convince Starfleet to let him keep his commission and medical license. He would only be crushed again. But Julian had resigned himself to the fact and had tried to make peace with it. Sure, in the middle of the night he would awaken from a nightmare (no more sleeping pills) and cry himself back to sleep and he would get pangs of sadness when he thought about his friends trying so hard to help him, but there nothing he could do.

He hated all the waiting! If only Starfleet Medical would come up with a decision, then maybe Julian could rest better. For Julian, it was always the suspense that scared him the worst, like when he waited for test results at the Academy.

He laughed despite himself. All those years and all that hard work for _nothing! _He had saved lives and created cures and what not. But now his career, _his passion, _was going to be seized away, rendering him worthless.

He suddenly felt sick. His stomach churned as everything that was happening finally sunk into his brain. It all felt so far away, like it was happening to someone else. Until he realized it was _him! He _was going to forcibly resign or get kicked out of Starfleet. _He _would most likely get sedated and taken to an institute. It would be _his _life snatched away so brutally.

The feeling in his stomach grew worse and he couldn't prevent himself from running into the bathroom and expelling his stomach contents.

He didn't even notice that Miles ran after him and patted his back whilst he was retching. His mind was just so far away, like a dream.

What he wouldn't give for those pills again. He remembered how peaceful he felt when his vision was dimming, when he couldn't control his body, when he felt his heart slow down and when he finally shut his eyes and accepted he didn't want to be in this world any longer.

He wanted to do that again.

When Miles was preoccupied with gathering towels and disinfectant, Julian jumped and ran to his hidden draw. He had an emergency draw for any intruders, _like that would ever actually happen._

He pulled the handle and pulled out a phaser, before setting it to kill and placing it against his temple.

He would do this! He needed to!

He felt a burning pain spread through his body.

It didn't start at his head though. It started in his chest as the stun beam hit him square in his sternum and he fell back motionless on the floor.

He was unconscious when Miles lowered his own phaser and stared at Julian with sad eyes "I didn't think you would try again, Julian. You need help. O'Brien to OPs, beam Doctor Bashir to the Infirmary…"

XXX

"He loves his job, Captain. He's just going to keep trying to kill himself until either he's taken away where he _can't _do anything to harm himself, or he's given his job back. I honestly think he would be happy as a _nurse! _He just wants to stay here. Surely we can use that in the case! Saying that Julian tried to commit suicide _twice _because he was found out, I mean that might really help him!" Miles was sitting opposite Sisko's desk, trying his best to get the Captain to understand Julian's position.

Sisko closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose; he took a deep breath to calm his heart down. He couldn't begin to think how Miles must have felt to stun his best friend before Julian got the chance to kill himself. He must be shaken up. "Chief, I have tried everything I can think of, I just don't think that anything can help Julian's case," he took a deep breath, before telling the Chief what he dreaded "I heard from Starfleet Medical a few hours ago. They want Julian on the next transport to Earth to stand trial, heavily sedated and restrained. I tried to argue, but they wouldn't listen. I'm sorry, Chief."

Miles stared at his Captain in complete amazement, _he's kiddin'. He's gotta be!_

"W-w-what?! They really think he's dangerous?! They're gonna sedate him and restrain him? He's not an animal! We gotta do something!"

"Enough! Chief O'Brien, this is hard enough on me without you shouting at me! I know how barbaric this all is and I hate it just as much as you do! But there is simply nothing we can do!" Sisko shouted, slowly raising himself out of his chair with each word to tower over the Chief.

Miles would not have it. This was his friend, and he would be damned if he got taken away against his will.

Without even thinking, he blurted out "His parents, then!"

Sisko blinked. Out of all the reactions he had expected, this definitely surprised and confused him. "His parents?"

The Chief felt his heart pump a hundred times faster at the realization! How could they not consider Julian's parents?

"What if his parents admit to illegal genetic engineering? The court might accept that and arrest them and allow Julian to stay on!" Miles said excitedly, not even thinking about Julian's parents' point of view on the matter.

Sisko did, however. "What about _their _life, Chief?"

"What?! If Jake was born with a disability, a _severe _disability, and you did something to help him, even if it was illegal, wouldn't you accept whatever punishment you were given? I mean, Julian didn't ask to be enhanced! It was done against his will! Surely the court can see that!" Miles spoke calmly; he didn't want to anger the Captain any further.

Sisko considered his argument for a few moments, going over what the Chief had just said. In all honesty, Sisko could say that he _would _accept responsibility for his sons' life, and he would always put Jake's life above his own.

Making up his mind, he tapped his combadge.

"Computer, locate Richard and Amsha Bashir."


	6. Chapter 6

Miles was overwhelmed with a sense of déjà vu as he looked at Julian's wax-like face. One of the nurses came over, smiling sympathetically.

"I'm going to wake him up now," she said, holding up a hypospray.

Miles nodded, not trusting himself to speak. The nurse administered the hypospray and then left to give the two some privacy.

Miles ran a hand over his tired face. "Why do you keep doing this to me, Julian?"

"Why do _you_ keep trying to stop me?" Julian responded, trying to mask his guilt.

"Because you would do the same for me," Miles argued. "Hell, you _have_ done the same for me!"

Julian remembered the urgent call from Keiko, finding his friend in a cargo hold with a phaser to his neck, and Miles tearful confession about his memories from the Agrathi prison. And he remembered talking him down, removing the phaser from Miles' softened grip.

"It's different..." Julian protested weakly.

"Julian, listen to me! There's a chance, alright? Captain Sisko is talking to your parents right now."

"But how is that supposed to help?" Julian wouldn't allow himself false hope.

"If your parents confess to enhancing you without your consent then you might be able to stay in Starfleet!"

Julian was doubtful. "There's still no guarantee-"

"Look, I know you still have to stand trial, but Captain Sisko will be your counsel! We'll get through this."

"But my parents... Won't they go to prison?" Sure, he disagreed with, or even hated his parents (really his father) sometimes, but they had _raised_ him.

"I'm sure they would be willing to spend a couple years in a minimum security penitentiary if it meant you could keep your job." Miles replied.

"That's really the worst that could happen to them?" Julian asked, still wary.

"Yep," Miles squeezed Julian's reassuringly.

Julian picked at his blanket anxiously. "I'm healed now. Can I go?"

Miles sighed. The nurses and other Infirmary staff wanted to keep there, which wouldn't make him happy. However, after two suicide attempts Julian couldn't be left alone.

Seeing the Chief's indecision, Julian spoke. "Miles, being here makes me feel even worse! It reminds me of everything I lost..."

"You haven't lost it yet!"

"Still..."

"Well, there is another option..."

"What?"

"I should ask Keiko first..."

"Miles, what it is?"

"You can come and stay with us."

XXX

Having reached a compromise, Miles took Julian back to the O'Brien's quarters.

"Hello, Julian!" Keiko smiled at him with sad eyes and gave him a hug.

"Thank you for having me." Julian murmured.

"Doctor Julian!" Molly dashed into the room and wrapped her small arms around Julian's legs.

"Molly!" Keiko hissed. "Quiet, your brother is sleeping!"

"Saw-ree!" Molly pouted. "Doctor Julian, come read me a story!" She tugged at his hand.

"Molly, give the man a break." Miles scolded.

"No, it's okay Chief. I don't mind." Julian let Molly pull him to her room. Miles watched them go, satisfied that Julian wouldn't try anything with Molly around.

XXX

Molly showed Doctor Julian her reading nook where he sat down. She picked out her favorite book, the one about a group of squirrels who don't like a chipmunk, but in the end the chipmunk saves the squirrels.

"This one," She said, clambering into his lap.

"And after that day the squirrels realized it didn't matter if you were different; everybody can help." Doctor Julian's voice sounded funny as he finished the picture book. Molly felt a drop fall onto her shoulder and was shocked to see that Doctor Julian was crying. Grown-ups _never_ cried, especially not Doctor Julian. He _always_ knew what to do.

"Doctor Julian, why are you crying?" Molly asked, scared. He said nothing, but hugged her instead, pulling her close. _What would Mommy and Daddy do?_ Molly thought, before hugging Doctor Julian back.

He didn't even know why he was crying. He had read this story countless times in his childhood, but he never really paid attention to the moral at the end. It meant more to him than ever and he couldn't stop the tears from falling.

His friends were trying to help him, purely from the goodness of their hearts and he didn't fully appreciate it. It wasn't his fault though. He never really had close friends that would act so nice towards him; he was unaccustomed to it.

With a sigh, he released his hold on Molly and stood up, walking to the main living space. Keiko spotted him and smiled, before she noticed the red eyes. "Julian, what's wrong?"

He took a deep breath to calm his nerves, before speaking in a quiet whisper "I-I'm sorry. Things have gotten so out of hand recently, and I never thanked you and Miles for your help. I'm truly grateful. And I _really _wish I'll see you again." His voice trembled at the end and new tears formed in his eyes.

Keiko dropped what she was doing and crushed Julian in a fierce hug. She knew he was worried about being taken away, but him saying that he wished they'd all see each other again nearly made her cry as well. "It's alright, Julian. You _will _see us again, because you aren't going anywhere for too long. The trial will be over and you'll be able to come here again."

When Julian didn't make any kind of response, she pulled herself away and stared at his tear smeared face. "Julian, don't worry. This will all be sorted out; I promise you."

At her last three words, Julian stared at her with shock. "Don't make promises you can't keep. Please. Just don't."

He was about to leave the room, but Keiko spun him around by his shoulder to face her. "Julian, we can keep this promise. Please, listen to me."

"When I was young and I just found out about my _secret. _My mother told me no one would ever find out. She _promised _me that no one would find out. She _lied! _She broke her promise. I don't want to go through that again. Please. Just let me go."

She stared at him with sad eyes, before reluctantly letting go of his shoulders and allowing him to leave.

She had to talk with Miles.


	7. Chapter 7

Sisko sat down at his desk with Richard and Amsha Bashir opposite him. As soon as they arrived, he tried to find the best way to tell them of their son's behavior. He just couldn't find the right words, so he went with what came naturally.

He went straight to the point.

"Mr. and Mrs. Bashir, I am sorry to tell you that Julian is mentally unstable at this present time. He has already tried to commit suicide twice and he is afraid he will lose his job and be institutionalized." Sisko could see Richard was waiting to speak, but he never gave him a chance. "Julian will be taken against his will to the institute either sedated or restrained, or _both. _He'll be kept there for the rest of his life, despite the fact that there were no detrimental side effects to his enhancements. Starfleet will not make any exceptions. That is why I think it would be best if I told you about my plan to stop him being taken away."

At Richard and Amsha's nod of understanding, Sisko suddenly froze and creased his brow "Has Julian acted like this before?"

The two Bashir's exchanged looks before Richard stared Sisko right in the eye "Captain Sisko. Jules-_Julian_ once tried to commit suicide when he was at the Academy, but it was so long ago…" He paused, squeezing his wife's hand. "What's your plan?"

Sisko couldn't believe how calmly Richard spoke, but by the look on Amsha's face, Sisko could tell she felt guilty and scared about her only son. Taking a deep breath, he told them his plan "If you go to court and explain that it was _you _who had Julian genetically enhanced _against his will, _then they may keep him in Starfleet. He'll probably get suspended for a while for lying on his application, but he _never _wanted the enhancements, and he has never tried to take over the world." Sisko coughed with embarrassment when his little joke went over their heads. "Please. I don't want to lose Julian; he's a good friend and a _brilliant _doctor and does not deserve to go to the institute. He's made a lot of friends here and I'd hate for him to be deemed as dangerous."

"Of course, we'll do anything that will let Julian keep his job. He's happy here." Amsha spoke with her lilting accent.

Sisko nodded, pleased with how the meeting had gone. "Have you been to see Julian yet?" At this, both Amsha and Richard dropped their gaze to the ground.

"I don't think we're the people he wants to see right now." Richard said quietly.

"This may not be my place, but I'm not entirely sure about that."

Amsha stood and Richard followed suit. "We will consider what you have said, Captain. Thank you for everything." Sisko nodded and the Bashirs left his office.

XXX

Miles emerged from the head to find a very worried Keiko waiting for him.

Seeing his wife so obviously upset, Miles approached her and wrapped his arms around her in a hug. "What's wrong, honey?" He asked.

With the smallest of sighs, Keiko broke away from Miles with a serious, but concerned look on her face. "It's about Julian..."

_Oh god. What's happened now? _Miles knew nothing _catastrophic _had happened, or Keiko would be a lot more agitated. No, something must have happened that frightened her; he wanted to speak to Julian to see if he was alright. "Where is he now?"

She moved away and sat down on the nearest chair, she felt so worn out. She truly cared about Julian, but she just could not handle looking after someone in his condition on her own. She wasn't able to get through to him and it scared her to no end.

"He left; I tried to stop him, but he got upset and..." She felt guilty about letting Julian leave, but something about the way he spoke, lead her to believe that even though he was troubled, he wouldn't attempt to kill himself for a third time. Miles offered his wife a small smile, trying to lighten the mood. He didn't want to scare her, but Julian was still on suicide watch and not supposed to be alone.

"I'll go find him". Miles left, determined to find his friend and bring him back with him.

XXX

After several agonizingly slow minutes of growing increasingly frantic, Miles finally found Julian. The fact that he was wearing civilian clothes instead of his uniform and combadge had made him difficult to locate, but Miles knew Julian and decided to check his favorite places to go on the Station.

He found Julian staring into outer space, the stars reflecting in his big hazel eyes.

Not wanting to startle the young man, Miles approached him slowly and whispered his name. Even though where Julian sat was deserted, he still didn't want to cause a problem that would no doubt attract attention.

To his surprise, Julian turned around slowly, as if he had expected Miles to be right behind him. Miles sucked in a breath when he saw the look on his best friends face, and resisted the urge to crush him in a hug when he saw a tear slide down his cheek.

With his wide eyes staring at the Chief, Julian wiped the tear away and spoke so softly, it was almost impossible to hear him. "Can you tell Keiko I'm sorry I was rude to her?"

Miles had to act optimistic when he was Julian. He couldn't make him feel guilty in fear of making things a whole lot worse; he had to act like nothing had changed between them.

But it _had. _He was reminded of when Julian had grabbed for the hidden phaser when Miles' back was turned. Miles would never forget that. He doubted Julian would as well. He just had to be there for his friend no matter what.

He put one hand on Julian's shoulder, speaking carefully, but with a hint of typical _Miles O'Brien_. "I'm sure she'd forgive you if you came back and told her yourself. C'mon, we had a deal; you're staying with us."

Julian pulled away, his voice rising harshly as he spoke. "After everything, why do you still want me around? Why don't you call me a freak and yell at me for betraying you? Why don't you hit me and say you never want to see me again? Why-"

Miles could not let Julian continue speaking; it was not good for him _or _Julian. He pulled him into a hug. "Why don't you ever stop talking?"

XXX

Julian stayed with the O'Briens for the week leading up to his trial. Luckily for all involved, Julian never tried anything that would harm himself. Due to the controversial and, as some deemed, dangerous nature of the _Julian Bashir Case,_ it had been given priority and scheduled expediently.

Being around Keiko, Molly, and Yoshi during the day and spending time with Miles in the evening had improved Julian's state of mind, but, as the trial approached, it loomed over him like a storm cloud and he became more anxious each day.

Horrifying scenarios just kept playing in his mind. What if he was immediately put with the other _patients? _What if no one cared about him and never bothered to learn his name? What if he was treated exactly the same as the others?

What if he was treated _differently _from the others? There was no telling what the doctors would do with him. They might think he was too dangerous and chain him up for the rest of his life!

He still had the rest of his life ahead of him! He could not spend it all locked away.

He just _couldn't!_

**XXX**

**That's it folks, for Part 2, check out Always Abbys account :D :D**


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